An introduction to: Movies and Other Life-affirming Stuff

It all started when I had cancer…

January, 2009:  I knew I wasn’t well.  I was tired, broke, and depressed.

This condition had begun years before with concern for my Grandma Mercy.  She was sick a lot, and then she died.  Then, my Grandpa was sick a lot and then he died.  Then my Husband was sick a lot and then he died.

After that, I found myself getting sick a lot.

Uh oh. 

Fade out.  Flash forward. 

July, 2009:  I am in a hospital bed.  My parents are sitting across the room, looking as frightened and helpless as I have ever seen them.  The oncologist comes in with THE RESULTS.

“You have multiple myeloma.  It is a form of cancer that cannot be cured.  But we can treat it and you can expect to live five years, maybe seven.”

Uh oh. 

There was a kind of a sinking that cascaded through my body.  The feeling was similar to that I remembered having when Tommy Kirk pointed the shotgun at his dog at the end of Old Yeller.

Devastating news, certainly, but I appreciated the doctor’s straightforwardness.  I remembered the last time cancer loomed, when it was because of a worrisome mammogram.

Flash back.

May, 1999:  They sent in some counselor-woman with over-groomed eyebrows and purple eye shadow to break the news.  She spoke to me as if I were a five-year-old with a boo-boo.  George Brent wasn’t this condescending when he told Bette Davis she had brain cancer in Dark Victory.  I wanted this counselor-woman to man-up and give it to me straight – state the facts and move on.

10 years later.  Wish granted.

Flash forward to 2009:  Back in the hospital room, back to multiple myeloma, the oncologist continued.

“It may not be the 30 years you hoped for, but 5 years is a long time."

'Are you f*ing kidding me? I thought "Five years is no time"

Fade out.  Flash Forward.

September 2009:  It was a dark and dreary afternoon. My parents werevstaying with me to help me through chemo and were currently downstairs.   I lay in bed, weak and uncomfortable, and grimly contemplated my future.  Or rather, wondered if I still had one.  How far back would I rebound after treatment?  Would I still be able to work?  Would I still be able to support myself?  Where and how would I end up?

To my astonishment and dismay, I - the one who since childhood had a morbid fear of death and fantasized about becoming the only human to live forever – I began to wonder why I wanted to live. 

Worst of all, I couldn’t enjoy my food!  (Yes, folks that was the worst part.  I’m Mexican and if you are too you’ll understand.)

My Catholic faith did not desert me; indeed it had been strengthened throughout the ordeal.  But God lets us all die sooner or later.  I could not imagine what further mission I might have.  I did not wish for death, but I struggled to conjure a reason for living. 

Before very long, that faith so crucial to my core was reinforced once again and my questions were answered, my mission clear.  Literally hundreds of people - family, friends, clergy, colleagues, students, doctors, nurses and strangers of whom I’ll never know – rallied around me to support me in every way imaginable.  Recall, if you can, the epiphany of George Bailey, and Uncle Billy’s declaration, “All Mary had to say was ‘George is in trouble’ and everyone wanted to help.”

Like the citizens of Bedford Falls, everyone in and around my life stepped forward to give me love, assistance, and encouragement.  It’s a Wonderful Life indeed.

Here I am at the 2011 Golden Globes- still alive...
and still hungry!

But before I came to realize that the love and good opinion of good people was more than enough to live for, it was a motion picture that turned the corner for me.  After watching that movie and finding myself renewed, I was reminded of a scene near the end of Manhattan, in which Woody Allen created a list of things that made his life worthwhile, and I resolved to establish my own public list of Movies That Make Life Worth Living.  I have since expanded it to include other art forms I find inspirational, so I have re-dubbed the list "Movies and other life-affirming stuff."

The first essay  completed was about the film that brought me back to life.  It is called Big Night, and of course, it is about FOOD.